The Kerry Recruit Villain

Glasgow Rangers and Aston Villa, have been accused of playing "anti-football", during miserly seasons, both, built on solid defensive foundations. Manager Walter Smith, like Martin O'Neill o.b.e., do not disappoint their critics - playing two holding midfielders, instead of the usual one and hoofing the ball skyward with a rush of Vinnie Jones testicular fortitude.. While Rangers fans were rioting in the City of Manchester yesterday, reports were coming in, of one "Kerry Recruit Villain" from Tralee, rioting when his BBC TV broke down.

Police in the Irish Republic report, that on the annuncement of Villa "Opening Talks with their want away, only star, Garreth Barry" this Aston Villa fan, threw his BBC TV out the window. His wife hearing the commotion, came from her bedroom and started laughing, when he started to screech" Can you not feel ma Pain ". The police were called, they are called Gardai in the Irish republic. All of the Gardai in Kerry play Gaelic football and when they heard he supported an American Sawcer Team, called Aston Villa and did not play Gaelic Football, they arrested him. Instead of bringing him to the local police cells, however, they took him to the mental hospital in Tralee. The Villa Fan whom we shall henceforth call "The Kerry Recruit Villain" continued to screech" Ma TV broke down, what about the Barry Brain Drain from Villa, with O'Leary gone and no brain, Villa will be relegated. Can you not feel our pain ? Gareth Barry who's ancestors come from nearby West Cork, in the Irish Republic refuses to stay, despite an offer of 140,000 pounds a week.


Unfortunately after many attempts to restrain the Kerry Villain, he was placed in both a Straight-jacket and a Closet. It is reported that, that he has however, come out of the closet today, while on the psychiatric couch of Professor O'Connell, a relative of Kerry's only proper footballer Mick O'Connell, from Valencia Island. It has emerged that he was been eating too many Kerry Pink Spudz and has been snaeking into all the bars in Tralee and Killorglin, swallowing all the heads, of all of the pints of porter(the creamy bitds of stout, only) when the punters weren't looking, quite often when they went to the toilets.



It has also just emerged, that Mr Murphy will be released later today, after pleas from his wife(nee Ryans ) who said, that if he is alllowed to walk down the lonely Banna strand and shout out to sea, even though it won't answer him, it will calm him downand is good therapy. It has also been revealed that abnormal BBC service has been returned to the town of Tralee(unfortunately) after this latest hitch. His wife is one of the Ryans, from near the Banna strand, featured in Ryans Daughter, immortalized in the famous song, about Roger Casement who landed there to "No answering call, came from the lonely Banna Strand." Friendly crowd weren't they ?

Meanwhile Celtic and Villa fans refuse to riot, despite revelations, that Martin O'Neill o.b.e., made a present of Villa's, Player of the Year, Steven Davis for just 4 million to Rangers, arch-enemy of Celtic. Davis who was mentored by the great, David O'Leary who refused to sell him to Man Utd, despite an offer of 14 million pounds, prior to the purchase of Carrick. Davis was dumped by MON to make way for flop Petrov who cost 10 m. O'Leary regarded the sale of Davis as akin to selling the 'Soul of Villa' or the family silver. With young Steven Davis, O'Leary achieved much better results than MON o.b.e. has for Villa, in the first 2 years, despite the vast sums spent by MON o.b.e., since his arrival at Villa Park.

Many Villains throughout GB are reported to be hospitalized and traumatized, like the "Kerry recruited Villain" since the arrival of MON o.b.e. and the departure of Barry, who is the final piece of the Villain Brain Drain. They do however have MON o.b.e. to instruct them what to do with the ball, on the sideline and where the dressing room is.